My Journey to Prioritize Sleep as a New Father, Husband, Business Owner, and Endurance Athlete

Growing up I spent way too many hours in the pool, but that made sense at the time for the goals I was trying to accomplish.  The amount of time I spent staring at the black line on the bottom of the lane shaped how I think about work ethic, consistency, and respect. This commitment led to a swimming career I’m proud of, including finaling at the U.S. Olympic Trials in ‘04 and ‘08.  As I moved into adulthood I’ve always sought out new conquests including becoming an Ironman in 2019, and, more recently, a stretch of marathons and ultras - even as more commitments in life have entered into the picture

Having a race on the calendar keeps me regimented about how I plan my weeks. It helps me be present at home, and stay focused on running Lagoon effectively.

However the tension between training and commitments in life is obvious. Of course I want to show up as a father and husband first, but I also care deeply about doing my job well and pursuing goals that stretch me. On top of all of this, I need to practice what I preach, and ensure that making space for optimal sleep is always a part of my plan.

Since our son Patrick arrived a year and a half ago, the question has been how can I accomplish all of these without any of the others burning down?

Here’s the story of how I’ve tried to balance sleep and all of the other commitments in life as a new dad over the first year and a half…

The Early (Survival) Weeks

When Keavy and I became parents in March of 2024, our first six to eight weeks were exactly what you hear from new parents. Patrick would go down around 7:30 or 8:00 p.m. and we tried to follow not long after. Keavy was pumping, and I handled a lot of the feeds. Our little routine was us tag-teaming the night shifts, and slept in the gaps between. We were up two or three times most nights, usually for a total of two to four hours depending on how long it took us all to fall back to sleep. So while our total time asleep reached six and a half to seven and a half hours, it was super fragmented and we were using up almost a 10 hour window to get that amount of sleep.

It was not pretty, but it kept us sane.  I told myself that this was what needed to be done to survive this period.  Work slipped, workouts were put on the back burner, but we were hanging on during what any parent knows is a really trying time for anyone.

The First Routine That Gave Us Breathing Room

As the night feeds dropped from three to two and then to one, space opened up. That is when I started bringing short workouts back into my routine. Forty-five minutes in the morning to get dressed and run was enough to stabilize my day. For me, training has always been a forcing function. If I make time to train, I make time to plan meals, to work with focus, and to be present later. That habit of working out first thing in the morning helps me organize the rest of the day.

The Aha Moment Around Boundaries

Patrick started daycare at about four and a half months. It was a hard transition for both of us, and especially hard for Keavy. Mother’s guilt is real. Sitting with it, I realized two things. First, he was in loving hands with people we trust. Second, clear lines would help us all. Work time would be work time, and family time would be family time. Before now, I had let my work bleed into personal time without much thought. But now I am strict about not allowing the blurring of the lines - out of necessity.

My New Routine

Most evenings I close the laptop around 4:30 to 4:45 and head to daycare pickup. Phones stay away as we eat dinner together, and we religiously walk through the neighborhood and to the lakes together as a family.

Patrick goes down around 8:00 most evenings. And then as part of my wind down routine I usually grab a snack and a Night Bite to get my magnesium and L-theanine. Then, Keavy and I turn off the TV and start winding down at 9:00. We write down tomorrow’s to-dos, share a couple of things we are grateful for, and get ready for bed. I am usually lights-out at 9:30.

If I am training the next morning, my alarm is between 5:15 and 5:45. If I am not, I sleep closer to 6:30. We try to hold the same rhythm on weekends, and it’s really helped fine-tune my circadian rhythm.

Training Again with Respect for Sleep

Eight months after Patrick was born I ran the Grindstone 50k. It was not my best performance, but it didn’t need to be either.  It gave me direction and reminded me that I can build. A year and a half into this season of life I’m chasing a bigger goal - the Kodiak 100M. That step is only possible because Keavy is super supportive and I try my best to make up to her for the time I’m away training.

On weekends I am up around 5:30 to 5:45, at the trailhead by about 6:30, and I aim for three to five hours depending on the phase. I try to be home by mid-morning. If the plan calls for a shorter long run on Sunday, I keep it on the roads near home so we can spend more of the morning together.

On weekdays I usually finish before Patrick wakes up, which is typically between 6 and 7 a.m. That one rule removes friction and keeps our mornings calm. When it makes sense to bring him in the stroller (if he’s up unusually early for some reason), then I do.

The Balance That Changed Everything

Treating sleep as the foundation instead of the leftover made our family time better, my work sharper, and my training more durable. I am not chasing perfect nights, but I am making quality sleep a priority.

Here is how that plan looks in practice - specifically, how I keep training while being present at home…

1. Finish weekday sessions before the house wakes up - I aim to be back before 6:45. If I am not training, I sleep until 6:30 and enjoy the extra hour.
2. Make the long run a team decision - I always clear my runs with Keavy, and make sure I can jump right into family activities and commitments when I’m back.  Breakfast, dishes, diapers, whatever is in front of me. It shows respect for the time I was gone and keeps goodwill high.
3. Use the running stroller to tackle two birds on occasion - when timing works out well with Patrick, I love getting him out in the jogging stroller.  He loves waving at people we run by, and Keavy doesn’t mind having us both out of the house for an hour.
4. Be flexible on workouts when you have fragmented sleep - If you’re waking up in the middle of the night, it may be draining enough where you need the extra hour of sleep in the morning.  But if you’re refreshed enough, make the call to get your morning workout in, even if it’s shortened or adjusted.
5. Keep strength simple and repeatable -  two short sessions at home each week. I like the 30 minute Peloton workouts.  Andy, Rebecca, Rad, Matt and Becs are my favorites!
6. Hold the evening boundary - Laptop closes by 4:45. Phones away until after bedtime. A 9:00 wind-down alarm. The more consistently I stick to these, the better our family time is.

When the House is Sick or in Sleep Regression

Any parent knows how real these variables are.  I don’t judge or fault anyone for how they handle these situations… They're super tough.  Here’s what works in our house:

• Green weeks -  When everyone is healthy I typically run 4 mornings a week and do 2 strength sessions per week.
• Yellow weeks - If I’m recovering from an illness or wake up once during the night with Patrick, I’ll try to hold the routine, but may push my alarm back 15 or 30 minutes, or dial back the intensity of the workouts.
• Red weeks - If I’ve been dealing with a fever or real fatigue, I will skip workouts entirely and try to get as much sleep as possible.

What I Learned About Presence and Performance

This last year and a half has really forced me to build the day around family and sleep first, but I’ve found that I can still naturally make enough time to be great at work and with my fitness. I am a more patient dad when I have slept well. I am a better partner when I protect our evenings. I am a better founder when I work in clear blocks and step away when I said I would.

Races still matter to me. I’m truly excited about the Kodiak 100.  But for this one, what I’m most proud of is the fact that I’m able to be prepared to toe the start line considering all of the other commitments I have in my life… that I haven’t skimped on. 

Practices Any Parent Can Borrow

1. Build the week around your family clock. Choose wake time and work backward so weekday training ends before kids are up.
2. Put the long run on the calendar and agree on it. Start early and be home early.
3. Wind down at the same time every night. A short list of tomorrow’s to-dos and one or two things you are grateful for does more for tomorrow than another episode of TV.
4. If you wake at 2 a.m., do not fixate on the clock - or your phone! Do your breathing exercises and clear your mind.
5. When the week goes off script, scale the session instead of skipping everything. The habit is the point.

Thanks for letting me share my story.  Own your rest.

Ryan